Let bygones be bygones :)

It is true, 'Every end is a new beginning'! As the year 2011 comes to an end, a few things in my life have already come to an end. This year was quite eventful and not happening at the same time. I have mixed feelings when I recollect how days have passed. I wait for a minute and stress on my mind in recollecting how this year started.. I remember, I had a fight with my mother, indeed an unpleasant start! Clearly a trailer of how I have spent most of the months gone by. The first month was relaxed and I didn't do much and like wise no major developments took place in February as well apart form me attending the German language classes irregularly. I really enjoyed when I went to Shirdi with my very close friend Swati, it was special. But I was unaware about what was waiting for me. Upon my return I had a few important decisions to be taken care of. Life was not same post April. I had a setback. I introspected and realized I needed to leave my comfort zone and evolve as a different person to be more acceptable. In short I needed to loose weight. As the days passed, I progressed but mom's surgery came as a jolt. Thereafter I couldn't continue with the regime. I took a break..  and experienced what I had never imagined. Depression had gulped me for the second time. After working for 2 years rigorously, sitting at home made me prone to  become rusted and idle. We feel sorrowful, and think it is the worst until the worst actually strikes! I sailed through. I owe a big heartfelt thanks to the almighty for blessing me with friends and family who helped me overcome this phase. Very soon I gathered myself and promised myself one more time I will not give up. I was back with full force, I started going to the gym again. I enjoyed working out, I personally feel each and every individual should have a work out regime for themselves, it might be their favorite sport for that matter. Our body demands it. I had some nice moments with friends and family, I had a few night outs and a few get together this year which were memorable. I feel blessed for all those moments, they make life worthwhile. A lot of times I felt I should start writing and compartmentalize my life story based upon how I have felt, lived and experienced till date. Sometimes I felt I should write about people in my life, how they have touched my life. I avoided nostalgia, it makes me gloomy. But most importantly, I smiled and looked forward. I have indeed learnt a lot and grown up as a person. As these months passed by I witnessed another big time blow towards the end of 2011. With hopes high, strong faith and self belief I seek blessings from my "maalik" .. and move on. I am positive the coming year will bring the better out of me. I am learning and improving on my learning curve for life. 

To conclude this year was filled with a lot of mistakes and a couple of important lessons learnt. I have very closely understood- "To have what you never had, you need to do what you never did". Looking forward to perform and make my loved ones proud. 

Amen!

Megha :-)

A window to her..heart (Part II)

Rashi tried to sleep but in vain. Very soon she could hear the snoring in the room. Unlike Chirag sleeping at peace, her mind was now evaluating and introspecting. She couldn't blink her eyes, as she was lost in recollecting what all happened when she reached home from the party last night.


She retrospected, it was already eleven and She had just come from the Party, escaping the blaring music. She was thinking to herself, it was good to meet everybody after a long time! She was just wondering on how time flies. Rashi had a mild headache and she was just preparing to sleep after her daily ritual of cleansing her face. She had put on her night dress and some light soothing music....she missed how Chirag caresses her head if she tells him she has got a headache..and suddenly the doorbell rang!
She looked at the wall clock 23:42 and presumed it must be Chirag. But he was supposed to come in morning, 'adat nahi jayegi Surprises dene ki' ..she smiled and went to open the door.


"Rajat? what are you doing here?!
Hey Rashi, mm.. I am sorry for coming here so late..


No no, its ok, come inside. Tu theek to hai na?
Ya, m fine. Just wanted to see you..."


Rashi successfully managed to hide how shocked she was to see him; she went into the kitchen. Rajat followed her. She was just turning to exit the kitchen, when she was a little taken aback to see Rajat standing right in front of her.


"Kya hua? you had plans to stay overnight at Geetika's place.. is everything ok?
umnnn....Ra..rashi, .. "


Rajat for the first time stammered in front of Rashi. He could see a very anxious look in her eyes. On the contrary Rashi was still trying to figure out what was he up to. As if both of them were no longer able to disguise in the 'over friendly and jovial equation'. Pretentious, both knew where this was heading.


"Bolega? Did you have dinner?
Ya, I had it. I think I want to tell you something Rashi.. ..


Oh really, don't tell me! ..it is one of your girlfriend-tales from London now? If that is the case.. tu pitega! Raat ke barah baje, you can't be kidding me!
umnn.. "


Rajat was still struggling to put his thoughts in words , Rashi was shying away from this situation. A peculiar discomfort crept in.


"Rashi, I haven't been same ever since...
I knew this was coming up, Rajat i told you, never bring this up ever again! Hum us baarey mein baat nahi kar rahe!


You can't lie to me, you miss me too Rashi, don't you?
NO! I don't. I am happily married. Let us not get started with it!


I miss you so much, and your touch .. and ..
Shut up Rajat! I think, ab tumhe ghar jana chahiye.."


Rashi got up, her face was flushed with anger when she left the room to avoid this awkward situation. She went to the balcony, it was pitch dark. She could not refrain herself from regretting going to the party in the first place. She was busy murmuring,  and a passionate kiss around her neck swept her away! She turned in rage to push him, RAJAT!!.. When she gathered herself, she was in his tight embrace and couldn't move. Rajat had sealed her lips. With all her vigor Rashi shoved him off.
Rashi stepped aside.


"I am warning you Rajat, LEAVE! or else..
Kya ho gaya shona, you don't love me anymore? you don't like me kissing anymore?
I told you it is all over! Don't you dare touch me again.. and please Leave.."


Rajat was bewildered, but was too high to realize how badly Rashi wanted him to disappear. He started to walk out of the Balcony towards the room. Rashi, had a sigh of relief, but only for a moment.


"Theek hai, if this is what you want..then........
Rajat, it is already very late and I think we shouldn't contact each other anymore."


The sense of being detached moved Rajat. He turned to say - "Can I hug you Shona one last time..please mana mat karna.."
Rashi inevitably lost all her control. Before she could answer, Rajat hugged her tight enough..and just took her against the wall..to kiss her neck.


"Raj..at....
Sh.......don't say anything, Shona..I know you love me,"
*passionately suckled onto her lips*


Rashi, remembered each and every moment she had spent in Rajat's arms, in his embrace. She resisted it hard.
Her hands pushed Rajat, but somewhere Rajat knew how her body responded to his touch.


*His hands moved around her waist, caressing..*
Ohh Rashi...I love you so much, Shona..say you love me once..


*His face moving around her collar bone..breathing heavily*
Rashi broke her silence.


"Yes!..I miss you Raj! But......."


Rajat placed his palm on her lips. He just knew Rashi too well and likewise her body as well. He continued to expressed how much he loves her. Rashi couldn't believe whatever was happening. May be now she could not mask her love for Rajat anymore. She was enticed.


*hugged each other and continued to kiss wildly*


They were lying next to each other in Rashi's bedroom, when Rajat started to undo her clothes.. In no time, did both of them realized how badly needed each other.
They were inseparable.
While they were stung by the pangs of reuniting with the lost love, Rashi saw her wedding photograph hanging on the wall. Very soon the amour left her secluded only to realize the infidelity of the moment.
She raised herself and got dressed hurriedly. Rajat was begging her to come back..he could hear her talking to herself.


"Kya hua baba, come back!
Rajat, whatever happened, should not have happened. I beg you, please leave before it is too late.


I don't understand, what happened..you didn't like it? you can't lie to me, I know you loved it Shona!
Whatever happened was a mistake, I shouldn't have done it.. Oh god...Please jaoooo...yaha se,"


*She started crying*


Rashi was talking as if she had just got up from a dream, as if nothing happened..as if she loved him no more...


"Why did you do this Rajat? Why did you come back? Why?!
What?! ..


Why did you leave me..? you did not love me...
I have always loved you..you know it, I had no choice,


Kyo gaye tum mujhey chhod ke?? Did I not love you Rajat? Where did I go wrong? Damn it!
Rashi you know after Dad's death I had to move to London to take care of mom.I had to leave, tumhari shadi itni jaldi fix ho gayi..I didn't even know everything would happen so fast...


Kya nahi pta tha? You knew my parents were looking, I always told you.. come back before it is too late!
I had to manage everything on the business front and my Visa..didn't allow me to travel to India so soon.. But.....Rashi I tried speaking to your family, you know it. They were not ready to believe me, or listen to me...
Tried?? Forget it!!..you don't even know how it feels and how much it hurts..


She pushed him away, when Rajat came to hug her.. Rajat was numb, as if his world collapsed. In a spur of moment he realized that, Rashi is not going to listen to him anymore..she was crying and loosing her breath..He went to grab a glass of water for her.


"Acha chup ho jao pehle, aur meri baat suno..
No I don't want to listen to you..please go away..
ok, i am sorry, if you want me to leave....i m going.."


Tum jaag rahi ho? Did you not sleep....?
Nahi nahi, tum sojao mein bas abhi uthi hu.


Rashi didn't realize it was 5am, and Chirag got up because of the alarm. Rashi might not be able to confess ever what happened that night. Her love for Rajat got burnt in the flames of remorse of last night. She can never make up for this one mistake of her life. She thought to herself, sometimes our biggest mistakes teach us the most important lessons by giving us a different perspective to look at life. Whatever happened was inevitable, she realized may be it was her destiny to get married to Chirag and have a more beautiful life. She was awakened to Chirag's pure love. Rashi looked at Chirag with eyes overflowing with admiration.


*She kissed his forehead* Love you baby..

A window to her..heart

Ting-Tong! Ting-Tong!

"Chirag.." Can you answer the doorbell please!?

Ya, I am getting it.

Rashi was in the kitchen preparing Tea; still lost in her thoughts, trying to recollect what happened last night. Her mind was clouded with gazillion questions about last 8 hours. Chirag had just come from Singapore.

Who was there?

Koi nahi, Dhobhi tha.

Oh! I completely forgot to tell you Shweta Didi called yesterday. Guess what! She is expecting. She tried calling you, but your number was not reachable. 

Wow! That is fabulous. I will call her straight away! 

She was caught in the midst of a storm of bizarre glimpses she could remember from last night. Going into a flashback of the events that took place. She wasn't sure of how she is supposed to feel. A gush of feelings passed through her body as if the blood was flowing from her brain to her body.

Ye bhi koi kehne ki baat hai! ..Ok, see you in evening! Bye Jija ji. 

Didi and Jija ji have invited us for dinner tonight. I can't wait to meet didi, this is so special. Maa aur Bauji hote to kitne khush hotey! 

Haan..

I need to go to the bank and I have to give these documents to Vivek. I will be back around 4pm. I will come and pick you, we will go and buy something for Didi and Jija ji.

Chirag left for bank. Rashi was blank. As if Chirag was talking to a wall, his words had fallen on deaf ears. Her phone rang.

"Now what?

No, I told you last night don't call me!

Whatever happened was ...

Bye!"

She closed her eyes, which were tired and stoned with the swirl of images from the party last night. Rashi washed her face again and again, as if she was trying to put herself to reality. Trying to wake herself up from a deep slumber. She clearly remembers how much she refrained from drinking last night. She thought to herself- Thank god I didn't drink! Chirag loves me a lot. Yes, he does! Her phone rings again.. (Tensed, Rashi thought its him again)

Are you ready?

..Haan, where are you?

I am going to reach in another 15 minutes, I will call-come downstairs near the gate.

Theek hai, I'll be there, Bye.

Last evening, it was Geetika- Rashi's best friend's birthday party. Since Chirag was out of town, Rashi didn't want to go to the party alone. Geetika however insisted and asked Rashi to still come over to her party. Rashi was somewhere not feeling good about going to this party, however she wasn't sure what was bothering her. In lieu of the childhood friendship, she left for the party around 7pm, thinking she will drive back home around 9:30 post dinner. The birthday celebration started once all the family and friends joined in. Geetika was elated to have her at the party. 

"I am so happy, you made it..I love you baby" .. 

Rashi hugged her back and told her- "Kaisi baatein kar ri hai, aana hi tha- Love you a lot Geetu" 

"I wish Chirag was here too, no worries hum weekend pe to mil hi rahe hain..on your anniversary!"

"Haan, haan bilkul."

Rashi recapped the whole event of meeting dear ones and common friends.. She was just stuck how it all progressed..

"Hiee Rashi, kaisi hai? Where have you been? You look so different..hmmm, great yaar! 

Hi Rajat, Thanks, I am good and when did you come back from London?

I just came to Delhi last week and Geetika invited me! Acha hai na.. tujhse milna hogaya warna tu kaha milti Mrs Singh!

Shut up Rajat! Aesa kuch nahi hai, I am just too busy with work.

Ya ya.. you and your excuses.......!

No, really. You know how things are when you get promoted with all the more meetings, Sigh! 

Acha chal ye bata, abhi bhi movies dekh k roti hai, he he he? huh..

I will kill you Rajat! .. Urrghh! .. Tu nahi sudhrega, haina? Now you know why I don't meet you! huh!

Ok baba! .. No more leg pulling, should I get you a drink? ...your favorite, Vodka with Orange juice?

No thanks, I am not drinking.

Tune peeni chhod di??! Now this is getting intersting..News for me! 

Arey silly, I don't feel like drinking today.. aur tu peene se pehle hi behki behki baatein karne laga! ...."

Completely engrossed in her thoughts, Rashi didn't realize it was already 16:10, Chirag was waiting for her in the car, he called. Rashi hurried downstairs. 

Sorry, I didn't realize. Where are we going?

Tum batao, Should we go to Shoppers Destination..?

Ya, thats fine. Waha ki collection achi hai. 

Soon after the shopping and the dinner, Rashi told Chirag- She was really happy for Shweta Didi.  She also told him, how tired she was. She just wanted to crash in the bed.

Chirag was overwhelmed to meet his sister, didn't really listen to the later part of the conversation. 


They discussed how was Chirag's trip. Rashi was happy to figure out, however it was an official trip Chirag had a good time in Singapore. Rashi was numb within. They reached home. 

Oh my baby..., I missed you so much! How have you been without me..for so many days?

I missed you too Chirag..

*He turned to kiss her forehead*

Do you know how much I love you?

*Kissed her cheeks*

I just want to...mm

*Clutched her into his arms and fell on the bed*

Chirag, I have to leave early for work tomorrow.

It has been so long, Rashu...

Yes, but I told you - I am tired,

*kissed her softly on the neck*

I need to sleep on time, Chirag...are you listening to me?

Yes, I am and I know.. you love me..

*holds her face in his hands and says- I love you*

*turns off the lamp, hugs her from behind and whispers into her ears I love you Rashi*

Goodnight..me too...Chirag!

..........to be Continued**

Beginning!!

I want to start afresh. I know I can do it. I will continue and learn and complete it.

Megha :-)
Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone

Plea

I got to know you, liked you and I started nurturing our friendship,

very soon I was crazy about you and I was high on this love-drip..

We were close and near..I found your arms wrapped around mine,

it was very special, ecstatic and peaceful..for me it was divine..

I had no wishes, and asked for no more bliss, but with open eyes

I started to dream, a dream about our inextricably inseparable lives..

Our love grew stronger every day and reciprocal in every way,

I can't defy, I was aware about the dead end I had to face one day..

After the mourning I observed requiem for my shattered dream,

I hate myself for not changing even after the turmoil felt and seen..

I can't stop loving you and missing your embrace; I beg you to leave,

I have tried knowing new people and flirting with them to make me believe

that you are gone, and you no more belong with me, I hate myself personally,

for not not succeeding each time and killing a little me within ignorantly..

Now the blistered me tries to make a fake attempt to be strong and brace up,

because I have to live, and I hate to live without you and alone wake up..

Can I honestly say something? Will you do me a favor- Since you can't be with me, 

can you please stop pretending the same and ask your memories to free me.....

Thank you :)

Unlimited hugs to comfort, 

companion for walk for all seasons, 

selfless love to make you feel wanted forever, 

trustworthy eyes to rely on, 

always ready to cheer me up, 

get annoyed like a sibling and wag a tail again in absolute fondness..

I am blessed! 

Thank God for granting one of my childhood wishes to have a pet :)

P.S. God bless him with a healthy life, :-* (touch wood)

Barsaat ki raat..

Like any other night filled with the familiar darkness,

i was curling up in the bed with my emptiness..

I heard the thunder and the lightening strike the sky,

i was a bit excited to hear the clouds roar and cry..

wondered why is it raining at this time and month of the year,

may be it is the long lost love shedding a tear..

Or may be it is God whipping the slate clear :),

the kid within just told me to enjoy and cheer..

Tiny drops of rain falling from the black upper space,

I first felt them on my palm, and let them fall on my face..

My closed eyes, and drenched lips tasted the chill,

It was fresh, irresistibly divine and tranquil.. 

I think I just did some talking with the cool breeze,

leaving me tongue tied amidst the rejuvenating freeze!

A small dedication to the shower I just had.. :-) .. Bonus click as well ;p

Some progress..

First of all a very happy new year to all.. ( I know m a little late.. but better late than never! )

I was writer's block struck! .. :P I guess what else could be the reason for not writing for so long..? Can't think of a good excuse! he he.. Let it be, I am glad m back. :) .. Alright, So New year has been mmmm so far so good! I cleared my exams for German level A1 and did eventually make to my dream destination of studying in Max Mueller - Goethe Institute! I just love being there, and our new teacher is also amazing. She is very patient i must say. Apart from the academic progress I also tried my hands on a new cake recipe which i saw on Divya's blog. Let me honestly confess I did look for other recipes and did a lot of googling, and video hunting for a good chocolate cake with keeping in view the ingredients at hand. But ultimately it was the "Chocolate Mud cake" .. and it was just yumm! Well, the only reason I'm praising it is because it was the best I have ever prepared and it got me appreciation from my mom and sis. Cooking sometimes is so much rejuvenating! I wish to try a liquor cake too.. may be next time! :P

So far, I am loving the weather here, winters this time were not gloomy though I had my share of mood swings.. lol.. I am such a mood driven person :( sometimes i hate it.. but most of the times I love it. Thanks to a few people who visited my blog and left comments in past, and some who visited and didn't like too much of verses.. oh Gloomy verses.. they make me feel blue too.. :P I will try to keep my blog happy and all cheered up! I promise. 

For the time being "Das ist alles!" That is all. I'm enclosing the pictures of a few cakes I tried in past few weeks.. and I hope they demonstrate my progress in the kitchen :D

1) The Easy chocolate cake- I had prepared this on Christmas was a decent attempt considering it was 1st one. 

2) The Chocolate Coffee Cake.. lol... Somehow I didn't like it much. :( It wasn't that bad. (It has a garlic roll.. I haven't succeeded in making them! Every time we had them, my sis prepared them!) I love them.

3) The Chocolate Mud Cake :-) Thanks Divya, for sharing this recipe it was the easiest! My favorite till date! I wish to make it again soon.. 

Happy Blogging.. 

Cheers!

Megha :)